Its official, I have hit ‘full term’ and our little mini-me can now arrive at any time… ANY time! Just a little bit scary.
This whole time leading up to labour and giving birth I have been incredibly calm. My look on things has simply been – ‘most women have or will do this at least once in their life, and some even do it twice, three times or more! So it can’t be that bad, can it?’/ ‘at the end of the day, baby has to get out of my belly somehow, so it will happen’ / ‘I can’t cancel birth, there is literally nothing I can do but to man up, put my big girl’s pants on and deal with it’ / ‘it will all be so worth it, once we see our little girl’s face all will be forgotten’!!
The nearer we get to due date though, the more nerve wrecking this whole thing is. Let’s face it, most women aren’t quick to tell you the good stories, most women don’t jump at the chance to tell you how beautiful their experience with child birth is… in fact most of what you hear is “it’s the most painful experience you will ever go through” / “you will never feel pain like it… but its worth it” / “take all the pain killers they offer, take anything they offer you!” So yep. I’m pretty apprehensive about the whole thing…
BUT at the same time as being sh*t scared, I’m counting down the days until due date, I am crossing the days off until the day that our little one makes her grand appearance and am getting more and more excited as time goes on.
I’m not sure I fancy the idea of a sweep or induction. Personally, I would rather her just come on her own terms and it be a ‘shock’ to me, or a ‘surprise’ … that way, my instincts will take over and I won’t have much of a choice to think about anything. Induction will leave me more anxious than anything, I’ll be sat there just waiting for ‘the worst pain I have ever felt’ to come, waiting and panicking – working myself up… not sure I fancy that! I have a feeling she is pretty comfy in her own little world, I haven’t had many aches or pains or anything to tell me that she might be making her way out anytime soon, so I may not have a choice … I’ll be desperate by 42 weeks!
My birth plan is simply to have a water birth, I don’t really have any other requests as such. I just need some sort of distraction and I think being ‘weight-less’ in the pool might help in a way? I realize you aren’t allowed most pain relief when in the water and I think I am okay with that… I’m not a big drinker and a lot of people say that most of the drugs you are given make you feel ‘drunk’ or ‘light headed’ – I hate that feeling, so I guess it’s a win win for me? Natural pain relief… just what I need. Let’s just hope there is a pool available, my fingers are tightly crossed.
I’m imagining soft lighting, some soft music – David will have to download some ‘chill out’ songs! – & nothing but calm and peacefulness!
Obviously I am well aware this may change, I could well be the biggest wimp on this planet and want drugs immediately! I may be screaming, shouting and crying my heart out! Or something may happen and I might need a cesarean. If so.. that’s fine, it’s not going to make me feel like a failure or make me feel like I haven’t done my best. I will do whatever I need to do to ensure that our baby enters this world as happily and peacefully as possible.
I have chosen to have David, of course, and my sister there with me as my birth partners. My mum would pass out… or just genuinely hate every second of me being in pain and not being able to do a thing about it! Bless her, she’ll be first in line for cuddles I’m sure!
So bottom line.. am I scared? Yes, absolutely bricking it. Am I excited. Yes! Of course I am. The thought of knowing it could still be a whole month until we meet our baby is killing me but fingers crossed she comes sooner rather than later.