Since being old enough to know exactly where babies come from, I have always said I will never have kids. For selfish reasons mainly, as I was always far too scared of having an actual human growing inside me (it completely grosses me out) and then having to push it out after 9 months! That’s enough to put any woman off! That is until only a few years ago when something inside me suddenly clicked. I felt the sudden ‘want’ for a family – my own family. I can’t tell you what it was that made me feel completely differently towards the thought of having my own kids.. maybe it was being with David, maybe I didn’t just want ‘my’ family, I wanted ‘ours’.! He has always been amazing with kids, and I always catch myself looking at him and thinking ‘yeh, he will be a great dad’! We had spoken about it a few times, and how nice it would be. Only a few months ago we had decided we were ‘almost’ ready and in a position to bring another human into the world – we knew we would be fine. So when the day came that I said to David ‘I’m going to take a test’, you would have thought I’d be cool, calm and collected..! Wrong. So wrong!
David thought it was too soon and even if we were pregnant, it wouldn’t show up on a test… but I needed to know. I couldn’t wait a few more hours let alone days or weeks! As soon as we got in from shopping I sneaked off upstairs… I took the test as instructed and laid it on the side of the bath whilst I knelt down beside it and stared at it. 3 measly minutes felt like 3 years. After 2 and a half years, the lines started to appear, two faint lines started to show. I could have passed out. I instantly shouted “David, I think you’re going to want to see this!” – he rushed up to the bathroom and looked over my shoulder at the two now very dark red lines. “What does that mean Dave?”…I was shaking. I knew what it meant, but nothing wrong with a bit of confirmation. “PREGGERS!” was his response with a cheeky smile on his face. He does always know how to lighten the mood, I’ll give him that. I genuinely didn’t know what to do with myself. I got up and walked from the bathroom to the bedroom a million times in disbelief, not sure what to say or do with myself. We both looked at each other and laughed, we just couldn’t believe it had actually happened!! Then it hit me hard, I completely broke down in tears, couldn’t stop! I was an emotional wreck. Like a baby myself being held and cuddled by David, who repeated over and over to me that “everything is going to be fine, we will be fine”… I knew deep down that it would be. I just couldn’t stop myself from worrying about the affordability, the space in our little one bed house, the pain I was going to be in !! “These are happy tears, honestly”, Dave didn’t seem convinced. They really were! We spoke all night about how happy we were and how amazing it was, but also completely terrifying!
Baby is doing absolutely fine and growing nicely – as is my appetite! Literally cannot stop eating…!! He/she is currently 15 weeks and 3 days, and we get to find out its sex on 13th December 🙂 so we will keep you updated. We have told everyone now – the news is out! We sent homemade ‘guess what’ cards to family and very close friends who don’t live close by as a way of telling the news in a more ‘personal’ way and it really worked!
We are going to be bringing our very own human into the world!! I still can’t say / write that properly…I still can’t believe it! But even with all of these doubts and disbeliefs running through my head, I can definitely make one promise right now, and that’s that our little human is going to be the most loved and cherished little human. We are going to be the best the best parents we can possibly be and make sure our little one has the best life we can possibly give it. I’m going to try & really enjoy pregnancy.. let’s see how long that lasts!